My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
