he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
