I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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