his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
