I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
