R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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