the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Shame - the story of my life.
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