please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
