This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
