I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
