My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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