If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bring money and cleavage
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
