I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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