im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize