So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
