i already hear my dad disowning me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
