I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
