Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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