If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
