Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
