I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
