saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
