I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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