New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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