I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
