Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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