I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
