Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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