So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
