I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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