you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
