Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm too high and old for this...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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