I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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