i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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