Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
