All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
