i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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