Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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