i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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