my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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