Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize