My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
