i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
