Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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