I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
