I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize