My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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