It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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