Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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