I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
