What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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