I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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