OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
