we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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