It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
