Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize