So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
