this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
