just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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