How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
