I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
