He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
