I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
