We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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