I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
