So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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